The Long Road to Eden
by Ferngully
Summary: A satire that takes place after the events of End of Evangelion occur in which Shinji and Asuka go on a quest to find the Garden of Eden, which they doubt even exists anyway. Chapters are REALLY short! R&R!
1. Scene 1

WARNING: This is a SATIRE, meaning that although most of the characters (who all make a BRIEF appearance in some way or another) are BASICALLY in character, the two main focuses, Asuka and Shinji, are WAY out of character (especially Shinji who barely even resembles his real self from Evangelion, although some people may like the fact that his really cynical and witty, considering there aren't too many Shinji fans out there...but, yeah Asuka's REALLY bad, too, though, with the whole ooc thing). But, as I stated before, this is a SATIRE and it simply won't work if Shinji and Asuka were *in* character (just trust me; it wouldn't). Besides, it's just supposed to be funny, anyways (think British dry humor), so don't take it too seriously!   
  
Also, this story is REALLY just about Shinji and Asuka (or, well, some really strange versions of them), so don't expect to see everyone else in it a lot (they are all in it, though, but, as I said before, it's brief-not that the story is going to be all that long anyway-there will be fifty chapters, but the chapters are about a page each, at the most-I'll probably post five chapters a day). The third main character would be Rei and she doesn't even come close to how much Shinji and Asuka are in it, so...  
  
As an additional note, I am a REALLY big fan of Evangelion and all it's characters (I'm even a really big Shinji fan, too, so ha!), so even though it may seem like I'm verbally bashing the show and characters (which, in essence, I kind of am), don't take it all too offensively, please! This is just a satire and all of it's should be taken as some good fun!  
  
And now, I present to you, "The Long Road to Eden," starring Asuka Langley Sohryu and Shinji Ikari as they both casually and cynically begin their journey to find Eden (or just travel around aimlessly across the wasteland that is the "new world" considering they doubt Eden even exists anyway)...  
  
Scene 1:  
  
Asuka's Title: "I feel terrible."  
  
Shinji's Title: "Yeah, whatever, Eve."  
  
[Scene opens a couple days after End of Evangelion left off. Asuka is sitting on the beach as Shinji is looking out at the red sea where Rei's rotting body floats. It is dawn]  
  
Asuka: I feel terrible.  
  
Shinji: Must you keep saying that?  
  
Asuka: YES.  
  
  
  
Shinji: I told you, I'm working on it.  
  
Asuka: You've been saying that for the last two days.  
  
Shinji: Well…I don't know how to fix it yet. I just sort of have to think my way out of it, I guess…that's how I got us here in the first place…I think.  
  
Asuka: So you're just going to THINK the people back? Oh, that makes me feel SO much better.  
  
  
  
Shinji: Well, at least I'm trying, which is more than I can say about you.  
  
  
  
Asuka: Whatever. I'm hungry…  
  
  
  
Shinji: Yeah, me, too, now that you mention it. At least the first time the world began they had the Garden of Eden and plenty of food. All we get is THIS [gestures to the wasteland around them].  
  
Asuka: Maybe this isn't the beginning of the world. Maybe we're still at the end of the world and the new world doesn't begin until we both starve to death.  
  
Shinji: That's an interesting way to look at it.  
  
Asuka: And, I mean, it's not like mankind's population is going to go anywhere anyway with just us two here.  
  
  
  
Shinji: Well, I thought we could-  
  
  
  
Asuka: Ha! Don't kid yourself, Shinji.  
  
  
  
Shinji: I figured as much. You know, Asuka, I've been thinking.  
  
  
  
Asuka: Yeah, Shinji?  
  
  
  
Shinji: It was pretty stupid of Rei to put the fate of the entire world into my hands, especially considering I wasn't all that sane at the time. You'd think she'd pick someone who was a bit more emotionally stable than me.  
  
  
  
Asuka: Yeah, well, we all know that wonder girl wasn't all that bright. Or should I say LILLITH? [rolls her eyes at the name; then, she rises] Come on, Adam, let's get out of here. I'm sure if we start wandering around we'll find something to eat somewhere. Either that, or we'll waste what little energy we have left and die quicker.  
  
Shinji: Yeah, whatever, Eve. This place is starting to bore me anyhow.  
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "It's only natural that you'd freak out and stuff."  
  
Shinji's title: "Yeah, it is kind of nauseating now that I think about it." 


	2. Scene 2

Scene 2:  
  
Asuka's title: "It's only natural that you'd freak out and stuff."  
  
Shinji's title: "Yeah, it is kind of nauseating now that I think about it."   
  
[Scene two opens with Asuka and Shinji walking. The sun has finished rising and they have been walking a little while, now, although the sea and Rei can still be seen in the distance behind them]  
  
Asuka: You know, the stench of giant rotting Rei is really starting to get to me.  
  
Shinji: Yeah, it is kind of nauseating now that I think about it.  
  
Asuka: Maybe you didn't destroy most of humanity and create some new world, Shinji. Maybe we both just died in Tokyo-3 and we're in hell now while everyone else defeated the angels and is living happily on earth without us.  
  
Shinji: I never thought about it that way; that's actually an interesting theory, Asuka.  
  
Asuka: Well, think about it. Does it really make sense that out of all the people in the world, we two are the only ones spared? There's definitely got to be someone better than us. I mean, you're a deranged lunatic and I'm not too sane myself. And neither of us are all that nice, either. We're both just bratty, selfish teenagers with psychological disorders.  
  
Shinji: You make a valid point, Asuka. Which reminds me, I suppose I should apologize about the whole strangling you twice thing.  
  
Asuka: Ah, it's all right. I mean, it was the apocalypse; it's only natural that you'd freak out and stuff.  
  
Shinji: I can't guarantee I won't do it again, though. Thought you should know that.  
  
Asuka: Fine. I can accept that. But just so you know, I may try to murder you every once in awhile.  
  
Shinji: Understandable.   
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "That's because they all died, moron."  
  
Shinji's title: "Kind of puts a damper on the whole apocalypse thing, huh?" 


	3. Scene 3

Scene 3:  
  
Asuka's title: "That's because they all died, moron."  
  
Shinji's title: "Kind of puts a damper on the whole apocalypse thing, huh?"  
  
[Scene three opens again a little while later, sometime in the mid-morning. Asuka and Shinji are still walking and suddenly and idea pops in Shinji's head.]  
  
Shinji: Hey! I know! Maybe Rei was trying to help us! You know, because we had such crappy lives, she wanted us to be able to start over again and lead better ones!  
  
Asuka: Oh, yeah, Shinji, because this is SO much better than our old lives! I think I'm going to have a heart attack and die because of how much better this place really is! Because I would pick this hell-hole and the stench of giant rotting Rei over my supposedly 'crappier' life that could have at least been fixed by seeking psychiatric help. But no-THIS-well, THIS is SO much more helpful than a psychiatrist! Really! If I had known the apocalypse would have solved all my problems so quickly I would have asked Rei months ago to do it for us! Too bad I can't thank her now for all her help, considering all that's left of her is a gigantic festering corpse. [sighs and shakes her head] Jeez, Shinji, you are such an idiot.  
  
Shinji: Well…I guess that's true.  
  
Asuka: That you're an idiot or that this world really sucks?  
  
Shinji: Hmm…both, I guess.  
  
Asuka: Well, it's nice to know that you being the major cause of the end of the world hasn't affected your lack of self-esteem in the slightest.  
  
  
  
Shinji: Why would it?  
  
  
  
Asuka: I don't know; Rei obviously thought it would.  
  
Shinji: Maybe in some strange way it does. At least we can both say that we survived the end of the world, right? Not many people can say that, you know.  
  
Asuka: That's because they all died, moron.  
  
Shinji: I guess that's true, too. But that kind of makes our survival an accomplishment!  
  
  
  
Asuka: Okay, Shinji, could you please try to tone down the optimism a bit? It's starting to scare me.  
  
Shinji: Oh, yeah. Sorry about that, Asuka. You know, we should get "I survived the End of the World" t-shirts. Too bad everybody died so there's no one left to make them, though.  
  
  
  
Asuka: That would have actually been kind of cool. Damn, though. That means humanity actually had some sort of point in some sense, even if it was just to make us stupid "I survived the End of the World" t-shirts.  
  
  
  
Shinji: Kind of puts a damper on the whole apocalypse thing, huh? Not that it didn't suck already…  
  
Asuka: Can't argue with that one.  
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "That's the way the cookie crumbles, my man."  
  
Shinji's title: "That kind of makes me feel better in a not so really sort of way." 


	4. Scene 4

Scene 4:  
  
Asuka's title: "That's the way the cookie crumbles, my man."  
  
Shinji's title: "That kind of makes me feel better in a not so really sort of way."  
  
[Shinji and Asuka have been walking for a very long time and Rei's "gigantic festering corpse" can no longer be seen. It is toward the late afternoon and the two are coming upon a hill]  
  
Shinji: I think I'm starting to agree with you, Asuka; I think this is hell. Or, at the very least, I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that way.  
  
  
  
Asuka: Yeah, well…I'm still hungry. Maybe you can THINK UP food because you obviously forgot to when you were creating this whole new GLORIOUS world.  
  
Shinji: Ha ha. Very funny, Asuka.  
  
  
  
Asuka: I try to be. You know what sucks?  
  
  
  
Shinji: What?  
  
  
  
Asuka: We've been walking around here for the last few hours and I can STILL smell Rei from all those miles away.  
  
Shinji: Well, she IS pretty big. And she IS pretty decayed.  
  
Asuka: Point taken. Hey, Shinji?  
  
Shinji: Yeah?  
  
  
  
Asuka: I think I see someone…over there [points down the bottom of the hill to a faint silhouette of a person].  
  
Shinji: Hey, I think you're right, Asuka! Surprisingly, I'm not all too happy about this. It's actually kind of a let down, don't you think? I mean, here I am, thinking I'm one of two people who survived the end of the world and here comes this guy, whoever HE is!  
  
Asuka: It could be a she; I can't tell from here. But I can see how it can be upsetting to you; I'm a bit disappointed myself.  
  
Shinji: Man, I can't even create the new beginning of the world right!  
  
Asuka: Maybe you should start smaller next time, Shinji. Like, instead of trying to pilot giant robots, save the world, defeat Angels, end the world, or create a new world, maybe you should try something simple like…oh, I don't know…just graduating high school or something? That is, if there still was a high school to graduate from. You kind of got rid of it with your whole Armageddon thing, didn't you? In all honesty, though, not many people could have done all the things you've done if they were your age and had all your flaws, emotional instabilities, insecurities, spinelessness, feebleness, and general stupidity. Of course, not many people could have failed so miserably either at some of them, but that's another story.  
  
Shinji: That kind of makes me feel better in a not so really sort of way.  
  
Asuka: Glad to be of help.  
  
Shinji: You really weren't.  
  
  
  
Asuka: Too bad. But if that didn't make you feel any better, how about this? At least that guy, whoever the poor unfortunate bastard may be, gives you someone else to strangle.  
  
Shinji: Good point, although I think that really makes you feel better more so than me.  
  
  
  
Asuka: That's the way the cookie crumbles, my man.  
  
Shinji: Whatever; so who the hell is he or she, anyway?  
  
Asuka: Beats me. We could always go over there and find out. But just to warn you, I am still hungry and I won't be responsible for my actions when starvation kicks in.  
  
Shinji: That's pretty gross, Asuka.  
  
  
  
Asuka: Well, whoever said that the new world was going to be pleasant, eh?  
  
  
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "Just lead the way to Eden, Lillith."  
  
Shinji's title: "Too bad she still isn't naked." 


	5. Scene 5

Scene 5:  
  
Asuka's title: "Just lead the way to Eden, Lillith."  
  
Shinji's title: "Too bad she still isn't naked."  
  
[When Asuka and Shinji reach the bottom of the hill, they discover that it is Rei, dressed in her school girl uniform.]  
  
Asuka: Well, what do you know! It's wonder girl! I suppose we should have expected as much.  
  
Shinji: Hey, Rei! It's great to see you! But what are you doing here?  
  
  
  
Rei: I am here to lead you to Eden.  
  
Asuka: So there IS a Garden of Eden in this hell-hole! So you didn't screw up all that bad, after all, Shinji!  
  
  
  
Shinji: Guess not. Too bad we couldn't have found it sooner, though.  
  
  
  
Asuka: Yeah, that would have been nice.  
  
Shinji: But wait a second! How are you here, Rei? Aren't you a giant rotting corpse now?  
  
  
  
Asuka: Good question, Shinji.  
  
Rei: I will explain. The Rei you saw before is nothing but my physical form. The Rei you see now-  
  
  
  
Asuka: Okay, that's enough. I'm too hungry to really care about this whole pseudo philosophical bullshit anymore. Just lead the way to Eden, Lillith.  
  
[Rei nods and begins leading the way as Shinji and Asuka begin talking amongst themselves while they unenthusiastically follow her, unheard by Rei, who is a few yards ahead of them]  
  
Shinji: Too bad she still isn't naked.  
  
Asuka: Well, it's your world, Shinji, so I guess it's your own fault.  
  
Shinji: Yeah…it still sucks, though.  
  
Asuka: For you, maybe. Personally, seeing big gigantic naked Rei is enough for me to know that I really don't want to see anymore.  
  
Shinji: Yeah, that was pretty disturbing…  
  
Asuka: But don't feel too bad, Shinji. She'll probably end up being naked sometime soon. After all, we all know that when you're involved in apocalyptic events and such, it would be inappropriate to be wearing clothes.  
  
Next Scene:   
  
Asuka's title: "So let's just grab some grub and chow down, shall we?"  
  
Shinji's title: "Sorry, Asuka; I'll work on that." 


	6. Scene 6

Scene 6:  
  
Asuka's title: "So let's just grab some grub and chow down, shall we?"  
  
Shinji's title: "Sorry, Asuka; I'll work on that."  
  
[Rei leads the two to a restaurant that is unexpectedly standing in the middle of the wasteland that is the new world. Upon entering, they find it vacant, but a table set up for two, food upon food piled up for the taking.]  
  
Shinji: Wow! A restaurant just lying in the middle of nowhere! And look at all the food!  
  
Asuka: Just laid out for us, too; how convenient. And, Shinji, try to remember what I said about the whole optimism thing, all right?  
  
Shinji: Sorry, Asuka; I'll work on that.  
  
Asuka: Ah, whatever. The food thing is actually kind of making me forget that we're really in some hellish wasteland. So let's just grab some grub and chow down, shall we?  
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "Again with the pseudo philosophical bullshit..."  
  
Shinji's title: "I'll try to be wrong more often, then." 


	7. Scene 7

Scene 7:  
  
Asuka's title: "Again with the pseudo philosophical bullshit…"  
  
Shinji's title: "I'll try to be wrong more often, then."  
  
[The scene opens with both Asuka and Shinji eating ravenously as they talk while Rei sits at the table calmly, not eating or talking unless specifically addressed.]  
  
Shinji: You know, Asuka, I've been thinking.  
  
  
  
Asuka: Yeah, Shinji?  
  
  
  
Shinji: Maybe this isn't hell. Maybe I'm just in some asylum with white padded walls and I'm just making up all this crap in my delusional head.  
  
Asuka: That's a logical possibility. But, you know what I was thinking?  
  
  
  
Shinji: What, Asuka?  
  
  
  
Asuka: Why aren't we really pissed off at Rei for sucking us into this nightmarish world?  
  
Shinji: Yeah, you'd think we'd be a bit more upset about that.  
  
Rei: I did not choose this world. Shinji created it in the way he wished it to be.  
  
Asuka: Shinji, you wished the world to be like this?  
  
Shinji: I'm kind of thinking no, but who am I to argue with the all powerful Lillith, right?  
  
Asuka: Yeah, I thought so. Still, I'm curious to why you would allow super-psycho Shinji to create whatever world he wanted, considering he was, well, super-psycho and all.  
  
Rei: It is because it was meant to be.  
  
Asuka: Yeah, that's an answer. Again with the pseudo philosophical bullshit…  
  
Shinji: It does kind of get annoying after awhile, now that I think about it. But I have another question; is there anyone else on this dead rock besides us?  
  
Rei: There is no one and yet there is everyone.  
  
Asuka: Oh, yeah, THAT makes tons of sense.  
  
Shinji: Well, what do you expect from Rei nowadays? You should be used of it by now.  
  
Asuka: Good point, Shinji. You're starting to make too many of them, though; it's kind of starting to scare me, too.  
  
Shinji: I'll try to be wrong more often, then. But, Rei, what do you exactly mean by this whole 'no one' and 'everyone' spiel?  
  
Rei: When instrumentality occurred, everyone's minds became one and in essence, destroyed everyone, leaving no one in it's place. Yet, at the same time, since everyone is one, everyone is present at the same time and thus they are present in me and are here. This applies to anyone you may see on your way to Eden.  
  
Shinji: And where is that again?  
  
Rei: You will see in time, Shinji. But, as of now, you two are the only ones who rejected instrumentality; that is, you two are the only one's who are separate from the unified mind of mankind.  
  
Asuka: Wonder girl's still not making sense, but whatever…  
  
Shinji: But, hey, Asuka! That means we're special, right? Considering the fact that we're the only individuals left while everyone else became one gigantic mass of nothing.  
  
  
  
Asuka: Shinji, the optimism thing.  
  
  
  
Shinji: Sorry.  
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "There is no path, wonder girl. All you're doing is pointing."  
  
Shinji's title: "Well, that sucked." 


	8. Scene 8

Scene 8:   
  
Asuka's title: "There is no path, wonder girl. All you're doing is pointing."  
  
Shinji's title: "Well, that sucked."  
  
[The scene opens outside the restaurant as our two heroes and Rei stare out into the void of nothingness-which is really some dessert wasteland-that is the new world]  
  
Rei: You will follow that path to Eden [she points toward the nothingness]  
  
  
  
Asuka: What path? I don't see a path. Do you see a path, Shinji?  
  
Shinji: Not really…  
  
Asuka: See? There is no path, wonder girl. All you're doing is pointing.  
  
Rei: The path may not be defined physically, but-  
  
Asuka: Okay, Lillith, more pseudo philosophical bullshit-we KNOW. Let me guess, you're leaving us now, right?  
  
Rei: Yes. You will encounter others on your path who will help you in your journey.  
  
Asuka: Hopefully they'll be a bit more informative than you are, wonder girl.  
  
Rei: I, too, may return to aid you on your-  
  
Asuka: No, please, don't, Lillith. I don't think my brain can take you or your pseudo philosophical bullshit anymore.  
  
Shinji: Wow, Asuka, you sure have said 'pseudo philosophical bullshit' a lot over the last hour.  
  
Asuka: Well, what else would you call it, Shinji?  
  
Shinji: Okay, point taken.  
  
Rei: Good luck on your journey.  
  
Shinji: Yeah, whatever.  
  
  
  
Asuka: Good riddance.  
  
[Rei fades away from their sight as does the restaurant, leaving the two alone again in the barren wasteland]  
  
Shinji: Well, that sucked.  
  
Asuka: Yes, it did.  
  
Shinji: And just so we both know, if we get lost on this whole 'journey to Eden thing' it's not my fault; I mean, all she did was point.  
  
Asuka: I'll give you that.  
  
Shinji: Also, just for the record, I still don't see how this is the world I wanted to create, but whatever.  
  
Asuka: You'd think that you'd create a happy world where every one likes you, not hell on earth; in all honesty, I think she's just making up crap because she really has no idea what's going on herself.  
  
Shinji: You think so?  
  
Asuka: Well, it's either that or she made a big boo-boo and has made you the scapegoat. Actually, it's probably a mix of both.  
  
Shinji: Yeah, you're probably right, Asuka, considering how much my life sucks already.  
  
Asuka: Well, think of it this way, Shinji; after the whole end of the world thing, it can't really get any worse, right? So it'll either get better or, well, stay at the same level of eternal crappiness.  
  
Shinji: I'm going with the latter.  
  
Asuka: Yeah, me, too. Still, we ate, we were merry, and we're searching for an Eden that probably doesn't exist, anyhow. So maybe things have gotten a smidge better, eh?  
  
Shinji: Okay, who's being the optimist now, Asuka?  
  
Asuka: Oops! Sorry, Shinji! I guess you're wearing off on me.  
  
Next Scene:   
  
Asuka's title: "No, Shinji, I'd call that DESPERATE."  
  
Shinji's title: "What was the point of that conversation again?" 


	9. Scene 9

Scene 9:   
  
Asuka's title: "No, Shinji, I'd call that DESPERATE."  
  
Shinji's title: "What was the point of that conversation again?"  
  
[The scene opens a little while after Rei left. It is almost sunset and the two are walking when they see Kaoru appear a few yards in front of them]  
  
Shinji: Hey! Look! It's Kaoru!  
  
Asuka: Ooh! What great fun we'll have now!  
  
  
  
Shinji: [gives Asuka an annoyed glare, but runs up to Kaoru to greet him] Kaoru! Hi! I'm so happy to see you!  
  
Asuka: [offers her hand] Hello, I'm Asuka Langely Sohryu, former second child, you know, before the whole world went to pot. Kaoru Nagisa, fifth child, last angel, right? Unless you count wonder girl, of course. Anyway, I don't think we were properly introduced considering I was in a coma and you were decapitated and all. And then there was that whole end of the world thing, but whatever.  
  
Kaoru: [shakes Asuka's hand] It is a pleasure to meet you, Asuka Langely Sohryu. I am here to help you in your journey to find Eden. Follow me.  
  
  
  
[Like with Rei, both Shinji and Asuka trail behind as Kaoru leads them to wherever it is they're going. When they are sure Kaoru is far enough away so he can't hear, they begin speaking with each other]   
  
Asuka: So, THAT'S Kaoru.  
  
Shinji: Yeah; isn't he great?  
  
Asuka: Not really. But you know, Shinji, we're never going to be able to populate the world if you're gay.  
  
Shinji: I'm not gay.  
  
Asuka: Well, you sure seemed mighty happy to see Kaoru.  
  
Shinji: It's not my fault he was the only one who wasn't a prick to me.  
  
Asuka: Oh, yeah; THAT'S an excuse. He just ruined your life even more by setting off the apocalypse AND by befriending you knowing perfectly well that you were going to have to kill him anyway. But, no, he really wasn't all that bad other than that.  
  
Shinji: Well…  
  
Asuka: Jeez, Shinji! You're way too easy! I mean, a guy you've only known for a day says he loves you and you're willing to go to bed with him that very night! And, of course, you're willing to forget the whole fact that he destroyed mankind, but that's not what really is important here.  
  
Shinji: Now hold on a second! I never said I slept with the guy!  
  
Asuka: But you WOULD have if he said he wanted to.  
  
Shinji: I haven't actually thought about that…I guess I'll say maybe.  
  
Asuka: See?  
  
Shinji: But I wouldn't call that gay; I'd call it more…emotionally troubled.  
  
Asuka: No, Shinji, I'd call that DESPERATE.  
  
Shinji: I can live with that. But I'm not gay.  
  
Asuka: Well, I suppose you couldn't be, considering you're always fantasizing over three women all the time, myself included, which kind of freaks me out now that I think about it. Of course, that could just be some sort of denial for your homosexual tendencies.  
  
Shinji: I don't have homosexual tendencies!  
  
Asuka: I'm thinking you're just bi.  
  
Shinji: And I'm thinking that I'm really starting to dislike you right now and that I may start strangling you again very soon.  
  
  
  
Asuka: Thanks for the warning.  
  
  
  
Shinji: You're welcome. [pause] What was the point of that conversation again? You already said you weren't going to 'populate' the universe with me, anyway.  
  
Asuka: You're forgetting one major factor, however, Shinji.  
  
Shinji: And what's that, Asuka?  
  
Asuka: I could always be very drunk.  
  
Shinji: True.  
  
Asuka: Either that or you might just force me, being the sick insane individual that you are.  
  
Shinji: I wouldn't do that.  
  
Asuka: Okay, Shinji, whatever you say. Don't think I don't know what you did over my unconscious body, though.  
  
Shinji: Damn. You know about that, Asuka?  
  
Asuka: Shinji, everybody knows about that.  
  
Shinji: Who's everybody? Everybody's dead.  
  
Asuka: Just trust me; they do.  
  
Shinji: You know, I really do think a strangling is coming on…  
  
Asuka: I'll just kick you in the groin this time.  
  
Shinji: Well, that'll suck.  
  
Asuka: Yeah, I know. But that's life for you, eh?  
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "My life sucked way before I met you, anyway."  
  
Shinji's title: "Well, that's a cheery notion." 


	10. Scene 10

Scene 10:  
  
Asuka's title: "My life sucked way before I met you, anyway."  
  
Shinji's title: "Well, that's a cheery notion."  
  
[The scene opens with Shinji and Asuka still following Kaoru, Kaoru still a few yards ahead and Shinji and Asuka still talking amongst themselves. The sun has already started to set]   
  
Asuka: So, we've been following your boyfriend for how long now? Two hours? Three?  
  
Shinji: He's not my boyfriend, Asuka.  
  
Asuka: Whatever. The point is that we haven't gotten anywhere.  
  
Shinji: We've gotten closer to Eden…  
  
Asuka: Don't kid yourself, Shinji. You know as well as I do that there is no Eden. This is just some sick plan that Rei and the rest of mankind have concocted to make our lives even more miserable than they already are.  
  
Shinji: But why would Rei and the rest of mankind want to do that?  
  
Asuka: Shinji, asking questions like that is really futile. They hate us because who else is there to hate more than two emotionally challenged high school kids? I mean, it's not like there are murderers or rapists or terrorists out there who deserve to suffer more than we do.  
  
Shinji: Yeah, I guess we do kind of suck.  
  
Asuka: Yep, I guess so.  
  
Shinji: Hey, Asuka, I've been thinking.  
  
Asuka: Yeah, Shinji?  
  
Shinji: Do you think it's just that I suck and I pulled you into my sucky life simply because misery loves company?  
  
Asuka: Maybe.  
  
Shinji: Well, I guess I'm sorry if that is the case.  
  
Asuka: Ah, don't worry about it. My life sucked way before I met you, anyway. Granted, it got a lot worse afterwards, but still.  
  
Shinji: Thanks, I guess…  
  
Asuka: Don't mention it.  
  
Shinji: So…if we're not going to Eden, where do you think we're going?  
  
Asuka: I was thinking the last circle of hell, but now I think we're just doomed to travel around in endless circles or nothingness.  
  
Shinji: Well, that's a cheery notion.  
  
Asuka: Love the sarcasm, Shinji. Really-it just makes my day. It's a lot better than that optimism thing you had going on before.  
  
Shinji: Thanks.  
  
Asuka: So, are you going to ask your boyfriend how much longer this is going to take?  
  
Shinji: I already told you he isn't my boyfriend.  
  
Asuka: Well, we'll see when the sun finishes setting and it's time to go to sleep. That would actually be kind of kinky to watch…  
  
Shinji: I think I'm starting to contemplate the strangling thing again, Asuka. And I think I'm starting to not care if you kick me in the groin or not.  
  
Asuka: Oh, well. At least I'll be out of this hell-hole. And you would probably be happy; you could live in eternal bliss with Kaoru and the stench of giant rotting Rei that seems to have spread across the entire world.  
  
Shinji: You know, Asuka, you really suck.  
  
Asuka: Yeah, well, lucky for me, you suck even more, Shinji.  
  
Shinji: I guess I can't argue with that one. But, you know, Asuka, I've been thinking.  
  
Asuka: AGAIN, Shinji?  
  
Shinji: YES, again.  
  
Asuka: Fine, whatever.  
  
Shinji: Well, do you think that if there was an Eden on this stupid rock, that it would be free of the stench of giant rotting Rei?  
  
Asuka: Probably not.  
  
Shinji: Just checking.  
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "Well, isn't that cliched?"  
  
Shinji's title: "You're doing the optimism thing again." 


	11. Scene 11

Obviously, Cryptogram did not find my story all that entertaining. Perhaps he didn't realize this is a satirical work of fiction. Perhaps he took offense to the criticism of the characters. Perhaps he just lacks a sense of humor. Well, whatever the case may be, he seemed to dislike it. However, guess what? I'm going to post scene 11 anyway, as well as the rest of the fic (in time, that is), just to spite him. And why is that? Because I can! Ain't life grand sometimes? So, let us continue on with the "kind of sem-witty albeit boring dialogue," shall we? Because I can and I will and Cryptogram can't stop me (unnerving, isn't it?). And, oh, yeah, Cryptogram-this scene's dedicated especially to you! Just out of spite, of course! And you should feel proud, Cryptogram; if you hadn't posted your disparaging remarks, I wasn't going to post the next scene for another few days! Funny how these things work out, eh? So, for Cryptogram and for everyone else's enjoyment, I bring to you scene 11 of "The Long Road to Eden":   
  
Scene 11  
  
Asuka's title: "Well, isn't that clichéd?"  
  
Shinji's title: "You're doing the optimism thing again."  
  
[It is now night and Asuka and Shinji are still trailing behind as Kaoru leads them to the supposed "Garden of Eden" that is somewhere nearby.]  
  
Shinji: [calls out] Um, Kaoru?  
  
Kaoru: [stops and turns around] Yes, Shinji?  
  
Shinji: Uh…don't you think we've been traveling for quite awhile now…?  
  
Asuka: What Shinji means to ask is, "Are we there yet?"  
  
Shinji: Yeah, that's it.  
  
Kaoru: We aren't there yet, but it would be wise for us to get some rest. Follow me; I know a place nearby where we can rest.  
  
Shinji: All right. Great idea, Kaoru.  
  
[Kaoru begins walking and Shinji and Asuka begin trailing again.]  
  
Asuka: Yeah, because getting some rest is such a groundbreaking concept, Shinji.  
  
Shinji: Well…  
  
Asuka: And, you know, you sure are being exceptionally polite and nice to Kaoru for someone's who supposedly not gay.  
  
Shinji: Shut up, Asuka.  
  
Asuka: Just thought I'd point it out.  
  
Kaoru: [calling out from up ahead] Over here, Shinji! [he steps to the side to reveal a campfire already set up and burning brightly]  
  
Asuka: Hey, what do you know; another convenience.  
  
Shinji: Strange how those things keep happening.  
  
Asuka: Too bad we can't just "conveniently" find Eden instead of wandering around like a couple of idiots.  
  
Shinji: Does that mean you actually have an inkling of hope that Eden might actually exist, Asuka?  
  
Asuka: Damn it, Shinji. Why'd you have to go and point out I was being an optimist?  
  
Shinji: What goes around comes around, Asuka.  
  
Asuka: Well, isn't that clichéd?  
  
Shinji: Doesn't mean it isn't true, though. Maybe you should be the one working on the optimistic thing, Asuka.  
  
Asuka: Whatever. Let's just join Kaoru and get some sleep. There's only so much I can take of being awake with you as my only sanity. Wow, I really must have sunken to new levels of depravity and wretchedness if you're my only sanity.  
  
Shinji: Yeah, you really must have.  
  
Asuka: Ah, I guess that's what the end of the world does to you, though, eh? Well, that and the stench of the gigantic festering corpse of Rei.  
  
Shinji: You got me there. I can't believe we can still smell it; I think it's even getting worse.  
  
Asuka: It would be, wouldn't it? What, with our crappy lives and all, what do you expect but the aroma of decomposing flesh? It sort of sets the mood for our misery.   
  
Shinji: Hey, Asuka?   
  
Asuka: Yeah, Shinji?  
  
Shinji: Scratch the optimistic thing; you're doing just fine with the whole morbid, cynical outlook on life.  
  
Asuka: What life? It's the end of the world, Shinji; there's no life left to take a morbid, cynical outlook on.  
  
Shinji: After making a comment like that, is there really any need for me to point out that as of now you are probably the epitome of pessimism?  
  
Asuka: No, probably not, but you're probably going to anyhow, seeing how people always find it necessary to point out the obvious.  
  
Shinji: Well, there you go again, being the epitome of pessimism.  
  
Asuka: See? Told you would probably point it out anyway even though it was obvious.  
  
Shinji: But Asuka, I just had a thought.   
  
Asuka: Yeah, Shinji?  
  
Shinji: Well, saying you're the epitome of pessimism isn't really saying much anymore considering there's only me, you, and Kaoru left to represent mankind. And Kaoru really isn't a part of mankind anyway.  
  
Asuka: You sure do know how to make a girl feel special, Shinji.  
  
Shinji: Sorry…actually, not really, but I just feel obligated to say it anyhow.  
  
Asuka: Don't you just hate having a conscience?  
  
Shinji: Yeah, but I guess we ought to go over there; Kaoru must be wondering what we're doing just standing here and all…  
  
Asuka: Yeah, yeah…can't keep your precious boyfriend waiting, after all.  
  
Shinji: I should refute the whole boyfriend thing again, but I've kind of realized it'll just be futile anyway.  
  
Asuka: Wow, Shinji, what a revelation. At least I can now say you've finally learned something, Shinji.   
  
  
  
Shinji: You're doing the optimism thing again.  
  
Asuka: Damn; I'm getting worse than you.  
  
Shinji: Okay, now that's a scary thought.  
  
Asuka: It definitely must be sleep depravation. Or I've become delusional. [pause] Well, worse than I was, anyway.   
  
Next scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "Wasteland to the left, wasteland to the right."  
  
Shinji's title: "Can you shut up now?" 


	12. Scene 12

Thunderbob6-hissy fit? Really? Because I was actually quite calm when I wrote that! LOL! Perhaps immature and spiteful, but, for the most part, very calm. Not very hissy-like at all. I was actually kind of chuckling to myself....Ah, well...as for the satire thing, I suppose that's true. But I fear that I may insult people and get flamed...although I've come to realize that flaming isn't so bad. Because then it's fun to rub it into the flamers face that you can still post another chapter and they can't do anything about it, which I did last time...damn, I really am immature, aren't I? I suppose I can't help myself...it's fun to be immature sometimes, anyways! LOL! But thanks for the review, Thunderbob6! Besides, you have to be cool because you have Bob in your name and Bob rocks! How I love him so! That is, Bob from Reboot...just don't ask...lol!  
  
Anyways, I decided to post another scene so soon because I got so many reviews for the last one and I feel bad leaving you all waiting...because I know that gets annoying, being a fanfiction reader myself. So, I'll post scene 12 now. Don't know when the next one is going to be posted, though. I have written up to twenty four now, but I don't want to post them all at once, because a few people commented it would be better if I didn't and I think they're right. So I leave you waiting in suspense! Haha! Man, I really have to get around to writing the next twenty six scenes...still got plenty of time, though...that's why it's nice when you have a dozen or so other scenes already written! You don't have to worry about writing the rest right away! LOL! Anyway, here you go! Scene 12! And I'll try not to ramble before the next few scenes! LOL!  
  
Scene 12  
  
Asuka's title: "Wasteland to the left, wasteland to the right."   
  
Shinji's title: "Can you shut up now?"  
  
[The scene opens the next morning. Asuka is sitting on the sand-considering everything around them is just desert-and Shinji is just waking up. Neither Kaoru or the campfire are present; both have disappeared.]  
  
Shinji: Hey, Asuka, where's Kaoru?  
  
Asuka: He left us, the bastard.  
  
Shinji: [rising to his feet] He what?!  
  
Asuka: Yep; in the middle of this wasteland. Not that we weren't in this wasteland before he showed up, but still-it's the principal of the matter.  
  
Shinji: Some friend he turned out to be.  
  
Asuka: Hey, you should have known better, Shinji, than to think it was anything more than a one night stand.  
  
Shinji: We didn't do anything.  
  
Asuka: Yeah, but you sure were sleeping VERY close to each other.  
  
Shinji: Can you shut up now?  
  
Asuka: I guess so; I'll probably just taunt you with it later.  
  
Shinji: That works fine enough. Now, which way do we go?  
  
Asuka: Beats the hell out of me.  
  
Shinji: Well…do you remember which way Rei pointed? What it looked like? Anything?  
  
Asuka: Let's see. Wasteleand to the left, wasteland to the right. Yep, everything looks pretty much like the same barren nothing. Unless, of course, you count the sand as something, but then you'd be being optimistic and we wouldn't want that, now would we?  
  
Shinji: Guess not. [pause] Ah…let's just go right. It's not like it really matters either way. I mean, it's not like there is an Eden and if there really was one, knowing our crappy luck, we'll never find it.  
  
Asuka: Sounds fine to me. Getting lost was on the top of my to-do list today, anyways.   
  
  
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "How about secret option number three?"  
  
Shinji's title: "Okay, then; we're in hell." 


	13. Scene 13

Scene 13:  
  
Asuka's title: "How about secret option number three?"  
  
Shinji's title: "Okay, then; we're in hell."  
  
[It is now mid-morning and are heroes are now aimlessly wandering about the wasteland, not really having any idea where they're going and not really concerning themselves with it either.]  
  
Shinji: So…hell or some delusional world I made up in my sick head?  
  
Asuka: Why do you ask?  
  
Shinji: Well, we haven't pondered the theories for awhile.  
  
Asuka: Oh…how about secret option number three?  
  
Shinji: You mean the one where this is really the beginning of the world again and there really is an Eden that we're looking for?  
  
Asuka: Yeah, that one.  
  
Shinji: Well, is that really a possibility?  
  
Asuka: Point taken; although, we could have experienced the end of the world and then went to hell afterwards.  
  
Shinji: True…  
  
Asuka: But onto the original question. Hell or some delusional world you made up in your sick head? I'd say…hell.  
  
Shinji: Really? How come?  
  
Asuka: Just trust me; it is.  
  
Shinji: Um…could you be a bit more specific?  
  
Asuka: Fine…because if this was some delusional world or whatever then I wouldn't even exist and therefore my life wouldn't really be sucking at all.  
  
Shinji: Then I'll go with the delusional world considering if this really is hell, then your life would suck just as much as mine does and we both know that my life has to suck more than yours.  
  
Asuka: That seems logical, Shinji. But that means if this really is some made-up reality inside your head, none of the suckiness you're experiencing is really real. Besides, although it would suck for you to discover that you're even more insane than you thought you were-which would actually be quite an accomplishment-your insanity could always be fixed by tons of psychiatric help and medication. In fact, you would probably be being fixed even as we speak! But hell is-well, hell is just eternal suckiness and you can't top that.  
  
Shinji: Okay, then; we're in hell.  
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "Well, don't you think that's a bit homoerotic?"  
  
Shinji's title: "And you can die some more." 


	14. Scene 14

Scene 14:  
  
Asuka's title: "Well, don't you think that's a bit homoerotic?"  
  
Shinji's title: "And you can die some more."  
  
[It is now past noon and Asuka and Shinji are still aimlessly wandering about the desert]  
  
Asuka: You know, I haven't taunted you about Kaoru in awhile.  
  
Shinji: Fine, fine; taunt away.  
  
Asuka: You two were sleeping mighty close to one another last night.  
  
Shinji: You already said that.  
  
Asuka: Well, he had his arm around you when you were sitting at the campfire.  
  
Shinji: Yeah, so?  
  
Asuka: Well, don't you think that's a bit homoerotic?  
  
Shinji: Not really…  
  
Asuka: And you were SMILING.  
  
Shinji: So? What's your point?  
  
Asuka: Isn't it obvious?  
  
Shinji: It didn't mean anything.  
  
Asuka: So you say.  
  
Shinji: Well, it's not like I had my around him, too, or anything like that.  
  
Asuka: That's because you're the feminine side of the relationship and he's the masculine side.  
  
Shinji: Okay, die.  
  
Asuka: You only say that because you know it's true.  
  
Shinji: And you can die some more.  
  
Asuka: Besides, you should have seem what he was doing to you while you were sleeping. Really kinky stuff.  
  
Shinji: Okay, now you're just making up crap.  
  
Asuka: Yeah, I know. But ain't it fun?  
  
Next Scene:   
  
Asuka's title: "This is what we would call a crossroads, right?"   
  
Shinji's title: "Well, it's pretty obvious that we're going the wrong way." 


	15. Scene 15

Sorry it's been awhile; I've had so many chapters written for such a long time; I just never got around to posting them. I guess I've just been busy with college and stuff. Oh, well. Anyways, to make it up to you all, I'm going to post a bunch of chapters tonight, since they're all relatively short and I have so many (I have up to 24; there's going to be 50 in all, whenever I get around to writing the rest). So, to all those who care, here is more of Asuka and Shinji's journey to find Eden! Have fun and enjoy! And don't take it too seriously! It's all in good fun!   
  
Scene 15:   
  
Asuka's title: "This is what we would call a crossroads, right?"   
  
Shinji's title: "Well, it's pretty obvious that we're going the wrong way."  
  
[Asuka and Shinji are still wandering. It is now the late afternoon.]  
  
Shinji: Can you still smell giant festering Rei or is that just me?  
  
Asuka: Nope; the stench is still there.  
  
Shinji: Hey, Asuka, you think we're lost?  
  
Asuka: Probably.  
  
Shinji: Though so.  
  
Touji: Stop!  
  
Asuka: Hmm?  
  
[Asuka and Shinji turn to there right to see Touji suddenly standing there, a few yards away]  
  
Shinji: Hey, it's Touji.  
  
Asuka: Who would have figured?  
  
Touji: You two are going the wrong way! You're supposed to be going this way!  
  
Shinji: Well, it's pretty obvious that we're going the wrong way.  
  
Asuka: But to follow Touji's directions would just be plain stupid.  
  
Shinji: Yeah, but aren't we pretty stupid already?  
  
Asuka: But are we THAT stupid?  
  
[Hikari suddenly appears a few yards in front of them, standing in the direction they were going]  
  
Hikari: Don't listen to Touji, Asuka! You're going the right way!  
  
Touji: Hey! What would you know about it, Class Rep?!  
  
Hikari: A lot more than you would!  
  
Asuka: Okay, Hikari is a lot smarter than Touji, but we're definitely not going the right way.  
  
Shinji: Funny how people keep popping up all of a sudden, but whatever…  
  
Kensuke: Hey! Over here!  
  
[Asuka and Shinji turn to their left to see Kensuke now standing there]  
  
Shinji: See? Sort of like that.  
  
Kensuke: Touji and Hikari are both wrong! Eden is this way!  
  
Asuka: This is what we would call a crossroads, right?  
  
Shinji: Sucks, doesn't it?  
  
[turn behind them to see Pen-Pen]  
  
Pen-Pen: *squawk*   
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "Yeah…the end of the world kind of gets mundane after awhile."  
  
Shinji's title: "Do you think that was a sign that things will get better from here on out?" 


	16. Scene 16

Scene 16:  
  
Asuka's title: "Yeah…the end of the world kind of gets mundane after awhile."  
  
Shinji's title: "Do you think that was a sign that things will get better from here on out?"  
  
[Sunset is approaching. Asuka and Shinji walk alongside each other as they follow Pen-Pen, who is a few yards up ahead.]  
  
Shinji: Do you really think it was wise of us to follow a penguin?  
  
Asuka: Well, who else would be more logical for us to follow?  
  
Shinji: Good point.  
  
Asuka: I know.  
  
Pen-Pen: *squawks*  
  
Shinji: Yeah…  
  
Asuka: Okay, now I definitely know we're going the wrong way.  
  
Shinji: Oh, well. What else is new?  
  
Asuka: Yeah…the end of the world kind of gets mundane after awhile.  
  
Shinji: You'd think Rei would pick two more interesting people to put in this wasteland other than us.  
  
Asuka: Or at least she could have something blow up every once in awhile.  
  
Shinji: Yeah, that would be helpful. But we're not that lucky.  
  
[Far, far in the distance toward the right there is a random explosion]  
  
Asuka: Guess you were wrong.  
  
Shinji: Guess I was; do you think that was a sign that things will get better from here on out?  
  
Asuka: No.  
  
Shinji: Yeah, same here. Do you feel better now, though? Or, at the very least, not so bored?  
  
Asuka: Not really.  
  
Shinji: Didn't think you would.   
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "Just trust me; I know."  
  
Shinji's title: "So, this is what it feels like to travel around in circles." 


	17. Scene 17

Scene 17  
  
Asuka's title: "Just trust me; I know."  
  
Shinji's title: "So, this is what it feels like to travel around in circles."  
  
[The sun has begun setting and our heroes are still following Pen-Pen through the desert]  
  
Shinji: So, this is what it feels like to travel around in circles.  
  
Asuka: Yeah. We've passed that same sand dune, like, five times already.  
  
Shinji: How can you be so sure? They all look exactly the same.  
  
Asuka: Just trust me; I know.  
  
Shinji: You've been saying "just trust me" a lot lately.  
  
Asuka: Yeah, well, you know.  
  
Shinji: Hey, where'd Pen-Pen go?  
  
[Asuka and Shinji look around to notice that Pen-Pen is no longer in sight.]  
  
Asuka: Well, isn't this just great…not like it will change much anyway.  
  
Shinji: They could at least give us a warning before they leave, though…I mean, at least Rei did that.  
  
Asuka: Don't get me started on wonder girl, Shinji. Which reminds me, this whole stank of rotting flesh is really starting to get on my nerves. Not to mention I'm hungry; can we get something to eat?  
  
Shinji: You know, Asuka, it never ceases to amaze me how you can so easily switch a topic like rotting flesh to something like getting something to eat with such nonchalance.  
  
Asuka: Well, that's what the end of the world does to you, I guess.  
  
Shinji: But where are we going to get some food?  
  
Asuka: Hmm…how about over there? [Asuka points to a garden that has just appeared in the distance]  
  
Shinji: Yeah, that'll work.   
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "It's been pretty crappy, but whatever."  
  
Shinji's title: "But I'm probably too stupid to actually remember that." 


	18. Scene 18

Scene 18:  
  
Asuka's title: "It's been pretty crappy, but whatever."  
  
Shinji's title: "But I'm probably too stupid to actually remember that."  
  
[The sun has finished setting and Asuka and Shinji come upon the garden to be greeted by Kaji]  
  
Kaji: Hey, kids! How's the end of the world been treating you?  
  
Asuka: It's been pretty crappy, but whatever.  
  
Shinji: Wait, is this the Garden of Eden?  
  
Kaji: No, but you can have some vegetables to eat and get some rest.  
  
Shinji: Damn it…  
  
Asuka: I warned you about the optimism thing, Shinji. It just makes a crappy situation even crappier.  
  
Shinji: That it does. But I'm probably too stupid to actually remember that.  
  
Asuka: Yeah, well, what are you going to do about it, eh?  
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "Doesn't anyone know how to NOT contradict themselves?"  
  
Shinji's title: "Man, being stupid really is a let down." 


	19. Scene 19

Scene 19  
  
Asuka's title: "Doesn't anyone know how to NOT contradict themselves?"  
  
Shinji's title: "Man, being stupid really is a let down."  
  
[Asuka, Shinji, and Kaji all sit around a campfire near the garden eating the vegetables and fruit they picked from Kaji's garden. It has been night for quite some time]  
  
Shinji: So, Kaji, if this isn't Eden, what is Eden REALLY like? That is, if there really is an Eden at all.  
  
Asuka: Just trust me; there isn't one.  
  
Kaji: Well, I can't tell you much, but I will tell you that it does exist and say this: Eden will be unexpected and surprising and yet you will know it when you see it.  
  
Asuka: Here we go again with the pseudo philosophical bullshit…doesn't anyone know how to NOT contradict themselves?  
  
Shinji: Well, it has been awhile since we heard any pseudo philosophical bullshit, Asuka.  
  
Asuka: Yeah, I guess I should have figured it would be coming eventually.  
  
Kaji: Well, you kids better get some rest; you're both going to have a lot of walking to do in the morning.  
  
Asuka: Yeah, this whole aimlessly walking thing is kind of becoming a trend, isn't it?  
  
Shinji: Yeah, it is. But, Kaji?  
  
Kaji: Yes, Shinji?  
  
Shinji: Are you going to be gone before we even wake up tomorrow morning?  
  
Kaji: Yes, Shinji, I probably will.  
  
Shinji: The garden, too, huh?  
  
Kaji: Yes, I think so.  
  
Shinji: Well, at least we're prepared this time. [pauses] Damn, I'm looking on the bright side of things again, aren't I?  
  
Asuka: Yep, you are.  
  
Shinji: Man, being stupid really is a let down.  
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "Damn you and your righteous bullshit, Shinji."  
  
Shinji's title: "Maybe we should have asked for directions." 


	20. Scene 20

Scene 20:  
  
Asuka's title: "Damn you and your righteous bullshit, Shinji."  
  
Shinji's title: "Maybe we should have asked for directions."  
  
[The scene opens the next morning. Both Kaji and the garden are gone, as to be expected. Asuka and Shinji have just woken up]  
  
Asuka: So, now what?  
  
Shinji: Maybe we should have asked for directions.  
  
Asuka: What are you stupid or something? Kaji probably doesn't even know if there even IS a Garden of Eden, which there isn't. He was just making all that crap up about Eden, whatever little crap it was. And, if we did ask for directions, we probably would have just gotten more of the same pseudo philosophical bullshit.  
  
Shinji: Yeah, you're probably right, Asuka.  
  
Asuka: When am I not?  
  
Shinji: Do I even have to go into that? Besides, when did you find self-esteem, Asuka? Doesn't that contradict with the whole "our lives suck" thing?  
  
Asuka: Shinji, Shinji, Shinji-do you know nothing? This arrogant façade I put on is simply to hide the fact that deep down I hate myself for having such a crappy existence. You should know that by now.   
  
Shinji: Guess I should. But you still aren't right about me and Kaoru.  
  
Asuka: [shakes her head] Why do you even bother, Shinji? You may be right, but you know you're not going to win, anyway. Firstly, because your life sucks, and secondly, because winning never has anything to do with being right. Actually, life in general really doesn't have anything to do with being right.  
  
Shinji: Yeah, I know, but you still aren't right anyway and that's the point.  
  
Asuka: [sighs] Damn you and your righteous bullshit, Shinji.  
  
Shinji: Wait a second! You mean there's other bullshit other than pseudo philosophical bullshit?  
  
Asuka: Yeah, plenty of it. In fact, the world is filled with bullshit. But out of all the bullshit in the world, pseudo philosophical bullshit definitely takes the cake.   
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "Duh."  
  
Shinji's title: "Obviously, dying sucks." 


	21. Scene 21

Scene 21  
  
Asuka's title: "Duh."  
  
Shinji's title: "Obviously, dying sucks."  
  
[It is still early morning and Shinji and Asuka have started wandering around the wasteland once more.]  
  
Shinji: So, here we are, wandering around aimlessly again.  
  
Asuka: Yep. It really has become a trend.  
  
Shinji: Do you have any idea where we're going?  
  
Asuka: Does it look like I do?  
  
Shinji: No, it really doesn't…  
  
  
  
Asuka: So…how long before you think we die?  
  
Shinji: Hmm…that's a hard one. I'm trying to think what the most pessimistic answer would be for this one. Obviously, dying sucks. But living in this wasteland sucks, too. But which sucks more? Because if dying sucks more, we'll probably die soon, but if living in this hell-hole sucks more, we probably won't die for a long time. What's your opinion on the matter? When do you think we're going to die?  
  
Asuka: Never.  
  
Shinji: Never?  
  
Asuka: Because we're already dead and we're just wandering across hell now. Duh.  
  
Shinji: Damn, I nearly forgot.  
  
Asuka: It was the optimism thing again, eh?  
  
Shinji: I guess so…and I was really trying hard to be pessimistic, too.  
  
Asuka: Well, you can't HOPE to be pessimistic, otherwise you're just being optimistic about being pessimistic.  
  
Shinji: Okay, if you ask me, that sounded an awful lot like pseudo philosophical bullshit, Asuka.  
  
Asuka: Oh, well…want to hear some more, anyway?  
  
Shinji: Fine, whatever.  
  
Asuka: A thought-people spend way too much time wondering WHY they exist that they actually forget TO exist.  
  
Shinji: Hey, do you think that was my problem?  
  
Asuka: How should I know? It's all just pseudo philosophical bullshit anyway.  
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "I've already lost all my pride, anyway."  
  
Shinji's title: "You want to play the question game?" 


	22. Scene 22

Scene 22  
  
Asuka's title: "I've already lost all my pride, anyway."  
  
Shinji's title: "You want to play the question game?"  
  
[It is now mid-afternoon. Asuka and Shinji still wander around the wasteland, not knowing where they are going and not really caring either]  
  
Shinji: Hey, Asuka?  
  
  
  
Asuka: Yeah, Shinji?  
  
Shinji: You want to play the question game?  
  
Asuka: Ah, why not? I've already lost all my pride, anyway. You can start.  
  
Shinji: Okay. Does this suck?  
  
Asuka: Isn't the answer obvious?  
  
Shinji: Do you think so?  
  
Asuka: Do you think this is a stupid game or is that just me?  
  
Shinji: Do you want to just stop playing?  
  
Asuka; Can we?  
  
Shinji: Why not?  
  
Asuka: Are we stopping, then?  
  
Shinji: Yeah, whatever.  
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "Shinji, don't you know that happy thoughts are just going to hurt your head?"  
  
Shinji's title: "Wow, Asuka; great way to make a guy feel depressed." 


	23. Scene 23

Scene 23:  
  
Asuka's title: "Shinji, don't you know that happy thoughts are just going to hurt your head?"  
  
Shinji's title: "Wow, Asuka; great way to make a guy feel depressed."  
  
[It is now noon and our heroes continue onward towards nothing]  
  
Asuka: This sucks.  
  
Shinji: Yeah, well, what do you expect?  
  
Asuka: Good point. But what do you expect from me but complaints?  
  
Shinji: Better point.  
  
[A young Rei of about five or six suddenly appears before them]  
  
Asuka: Oh, great, it's wonder girl. Again.  
  
Shinji: And we've had an excessive amount of pseudo philosophical bullshit recently, too.  
  
Asuka: So what do you want?  
  
Rei: I am here to help lead you toward Eden.  
  
Shinji: That reminds me, are we going the right way? I haven't really thought about it in awhile…  
  
Asuka: Why do you even bother asking, Shinji? There is no right way because there is no Eden.  
  
Shinji: Damn my optimistic hopes that there might be one.  
  
Asuka: Yeah, well, I damn them, too.  
  
Shinji: Thanks, Asuka.  
  
Asuka: Don't mention it. So, wonder girl, are you going to lead us to this supposed Eden that doesn't really exist or what?  
  
Rei: There is an Eden; it truly does exist. And, yes, I will help lead you there. Follow me. [she begins to walk as Asuka rolls her eyes and Shinji frowns]  
  
Shinji: You know, Asuka, I was thinking.  
  
Asuka: What is it now, Shinji?  
  
Shinji: If there was an Eden, what would it be like?  
  
Asuka: Shinji, don't you know that happy thoughts are just going to hurt your head?  
  
Shinji: Yeah, but I'm a glutton for punishment.  
  
Asuka: Oh, yeah; I nearly forgot. Well, I figure if there really is an Eden, when we actually do find it, it will probably burst into flames or something like that. Hey, that would actually suck more than not finding an Eden at all! Maybe one really does exist.  
  
Shinji: Should I take that comment as an optimistic one or a pessimistic one?  
  
Asuka: I don't know, but don't you think we should be following wonder girl?  
  
Shinji: Guess we should, considering we have to get even more lost than we are now.  
  
Asuka: I think everywhere we go we're going to be lost, though, since there's nothing to really be found here. It's all just a big world of nothing.  
  
Shinji: Wow, Asuka; great way to make a guy feel depressed.  
  
Asuka: Ah, I try.  
  
Next Scene:  
  
Asuka's title: "Dazzle me with your idle threats"  
  
Shinji's title: "Well, it's better than following a penguin, right?" 


End file.
